I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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