im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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