Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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