I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i now understand why vodka
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
