let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
