So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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