my vag is so smooth its legendary
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i think my cat just said my name.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
