these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
