You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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