I just threw up on my dentist
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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