I wish my penis had an off switch
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
