I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
