It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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