I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED