Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
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Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
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Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box