sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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