No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Terrible idea I love it
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.