Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.