never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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