My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
