I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
