i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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