Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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