he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
