I think I won the penis lottery.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
