just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The air was thick with penises
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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