I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
