So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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