it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
