I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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