in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
