News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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