How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I need to stop coming to work sober
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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