this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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