Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
