remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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