My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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