Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
