If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
