Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
