before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
