The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
