Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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