people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
smell my finger.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
