New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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