i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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