Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
