Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
