He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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