3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
