OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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