Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
