You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
