He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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