apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
