my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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