How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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