i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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