I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
