He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
