hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
