Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
love makes seman taste better
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
