i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
