At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
