I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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