Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
