the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
