I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
