I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
