You're so nebulous sometimes
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
