Moan for me like Helen Keller
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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