I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
