I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
