singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
