I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
