just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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