dude i'm inner monologue high
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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