you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
