I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
