I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
