Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
